Thursday, June 23, 2011

Jonah Only Had to Be in the Belly of the Whale THREE Days


Borris here.

I've just been through a horrible ordeal, which I could BEARLY stand, and I wanted to tell you all about it.

Let's all PAWS for a few moments of silence while I compose myself enough to type this blog post.

I was incarcerated for over a week.

That's right, INCARCERATED!!!

I was guilty of no crime, and yet that dastardly Fisherhubby, the same man who bear-napped BOTH Hildy and me a couple of years ago, captured and incarcerated me deep inside the belly of Cookie Jarbear.

Miss Keetha was busy packing to go to camp and didn't notice that I was missing from 101 South Kitchen Table Way. She didn't know that I was BEARLY able to breathe deep in that pit.

Away she went to camp for a whole week, unwittingly leaving me incarcerated and worse yet - - - leaving Brunhilda alone with only Freddy Finzsaltandpepper and the Headless Wonders to watch over her.

You'd THINK that Fisherhubby would have heard my growls for help, taken pity on me, and released me. But NO - - - he LEFT me in that jail the entire time Miss Keetha was gone!! I tell ya, even JONAH was only in the belly of the whale for three days and he DESERVED his punishment! I was guilty of NOTHING, yet I was in the belly of Cookie Jarbear for nearly two weeks.

The MINUTE Miss Keetha came home and realized I was missing, she sent out the search and rescue squad to find me. When they discovered me down in the well, she came herself and gently lifted me out and - - -

Returned me to my rightful place beside Hildy at 101 South Kitchen Table Way.

Hildy was beside herself with joy at my return. She had thought I was for sure a goner and had wept her big black bear eyes dry over me.

Freddy and the Wonders were glad to see me too. They had, quite frankly, run out of consoling words to offer my poor grieving Brunhilda.

We don't know HOW Miss Keetha puts up with that Fisherhubby's antics. He must be SUCH a trial to her.

So, the next time she puts an embarrassing picture of him on HER blog - - - DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR HIM. He richly deserves all that she might dish out. We live here with them, we observe his many "crimes" and we wish to go on record as character witnesses for Miss Keetha.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

There's a New Bear in Our Little ol' Woods


Borris here.

The other day Miss Keetha just plunked ANOTHER new arrival down at 101 S. Kitchen Table Way. He's a nice enough chap by the name of Beauregarde Bearski.

But REALLY Miss Keetha, don't you think 101 S. Kitchen Table Way is getting just a leeeetle too populated? I mean, we've already got the Wonders and Freddie sharing our space. Besides, where BEARS are concerned while two is certainly company, three is DEFINITELY a crowd.

Beauregarde himself wasn't very keen on moving into 101 S. Kitchen Table Way. He said he needed OPEN SPACES to feel at home.

So, while Miss Keetha was busy with her new money laundering scheme we set out to help Beau find his OWN address. (You probably remember we've told you Miss Keetha is the queen of one-track-mindedness so she NEVER notices what we're doing when she's busy at one of her projects.)

First we showed Beauregarde Silicon Valley. He liked it right away and was ready to move in. Brunhilda didn't seem so keen and she convinced him it would BEARLY be wise to jump at the FIRST place he saw.

Just between you and me, I THINK Hildy was afraid old Beau would learn computer skilz and start a blog of his own. She doesn't want to share ANY of her cyber fame with that big GRIZZLY.

Next we whisked him off to check out the elite neighborhood, Counter-Top Plaza. Cookie Jarbear and her three cubs, Chocolate, Chip, and Brownie already live there.

Old Beau seemed rather nervous and anxious to get outa there, though he was very polite to Cookie and her cubs. While we were heading off to another neck of the woods I heard him mutter something about "too much cub 'sittin'!!"

So, we showed him the African Savannah.

The Africans got real restless. They didn't take too kindly to a Northwoods species invading their marked territority.

We high-TAILED it outa there before they could begin stampedin'.

Our next stop was Fiesta Pie Safe-Way. Beauregarde loved all the color, but he wasn't too fond of the sound of "Fiesta." He said he's generally a quiet reserved kinda animal and would BEARLY be able to tolerate a party EVERY night.

So, we moved along to a couple of plateaus. Seen here is End Table Highway - - -

And Antique School Desk High Top.

Beauregarde rejected them without so much as a flick of his EARS - - - said they SMACKED of a frame-up to him, though he DID think the blonde in the middle was quite a hottie.

We took him to see Hat Box Tower with Washboard Alley in the back. He looked around very carefully, and we could tell he was tempted to move in.

Finally he shook his head and said, "Nope - - - I just feel FLOORED here."

By this time Brunhilda and I were getting a little worried - - - our woods ain't all that BIG. We were about to run out of places to show. But Hildy poked me in the ribs with her elbow and said, "Let's not PAWS now, I've got several more ideas!"

So, off we treked to the Hounds of the Basketville, hoping THIS would be just the ticket for our Bearski. He checked Basketville out from handles to lid but said it made him feel blue so it just wouldn't do.

There was nothing for it but to show him China Town and - - -

Tea Time Lane.

"I'm just NOT a high class BEAR!!!" growled Beau. "Why, I feel like a Bear in a china shop here!!!"

"Well," said Hildy in exasperation - - - "Are you a learned Bear by any chance??? This is Book Worm Orchard. What do you think of it???"

"I feel CROWDED." sighed Beau. "I long for wide open spaces."

Hildy and I looked at each other and grinned.

"Why didn't you say so SOONER, old chap!!" I said, giving him a friendly slap on the shoulder. "I believe we have JUST the place!!!"

And with that we scurried him off to Porcelain Place.

"I LOVE it," cried he!!! "I'm the king of my own hill!" And saying no more he moved right in at 302 Porcelain Place West.

I can tell you that Brunhilda and I breathed a sigh of relief. Just when we thought all our best laid plans were going to TANK and all our hopes and dreams of finding a new home for Beau were going DOWN THE TOILET - - - everything worked out in the end.

And isn't that the just the way life goes???


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Great White Tickle Monster!!


Brunhilda here.

About once a week, the Great White Tickle Monster comes to TORMENT and TORTURE us.

"Where is Miss Keetha!? Why doesn't she STOP that monster?" you might well be asking.

Well - - - shocking as I KNOW this will be to all of you bloggy fans who THINK Miss Keetha is "all it" I gotta tell you she isn't all you think she is. You can BARELY see it, but that is HER HAND holding the Great White Tickle Monster.

What's that you say? You think she is trying to STOP the monster, to hold him back???

Aux contraire, she is pushing him right onto us!!!

That big fluffy monster tickles us ALL OVER - - - on our heads, our paws, our backs, and our bellies!!! It is like Chinese water torture I tell ya!

I'm claustrophobic - - - every time it happens I think I'm gonna jump right out of my FUR!

Borris is VERY ticklish. He growls, squirms, and tries EVERYTHING to get away, but Miss Keetha holds him like he's in a VICE and just lets that Tickle Monster persecute him!!!!

Most of the time we LIKE living here at 101 S. Kitchen Table Way - - - but if THIS doesn't stop, we may be forced to pack our bags, wait for our best chance, and RUN AWAY!!!

HELP!!! You are our last hope.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Arrival of the Headless Wonders

Borris here.

The Headless Wonders have arrived at 101 S. Kitchen Table Way. We KNOW they are the Wonders because they've got W's on their chests!

But, I'm getting a little aHEAD of the story - - -

Miss Keetha and Fisherhubby took a get-away weekend and left Hildy, Freddie, and me home alone.

We THOUGHT about really "cutting a rug" around here - - - but then thought better of it when we realized if Miss Keetha came home to a big mess she may well lock us in the microwave or someplace even WORSE the next time she leaves us behind!

We DO wish she'd ALWAYS take us with her when she travels, but she is very stubborn and won't be convinced to take us if she doesn't want to.

Well, when she got home she proceeded to move Freddie Finzsaltandpepper into slightly new quarters and moved the Wonders into his former abode.

Well, you know Brunhilda!! She wasn't going to be satisfied until she knew ALL about the new neighbors, so she rushed right over to introduce herself and ask them who they were.

They didn't say nothin'.

So, Hildy talked louder - - - "HELLO! I'M HILDY, WHO ARE YOU!?!"

They still didn't say nothin'.


They still didn't say nothin'.

I thought I'd better step in and see if I could calm Hildy and get a little sense out of the Wonders.

"Hello," I said, "I'm Borris - - - your new neighbor. We sure are glad to have you move in. Hope you'll like it here. If you wouldn't mind, we'd sure like to know your names."

They still didn't say nothin'.

"Well, my goodness, Hildy," I said. "Perhaps they don't understand Bearlish."

They still didnt' say nothin'.

About that time, Freddie came swimming over.

"Excuse me, Borris," he said. "Let me give it a try - - - perhaps they'll understand my Bass."

And with that, he commenced to try to communicate with the Wonders.

Evidently they don't understand Bass any better than they do Bearlish because - - -

They STILL didn't say nothin'!!

"Well," said Hildy. "They don't appear to have any HEADS! I guess without HEADS they don't have ears so they can't hear us."

"You've got a point!" said Freddie. "And look - - - with no heads they don't have any mouths either so maybe that's why they won't answer us."

"Hummmph," I growled. "I guess they must be the Headless Wonders!!!"

And that is exactly what we are calling them.

I can tell you ONE thing for sure and certain - - - they are VERY quiet neighbors.


Thursday, January 6, 2011

Brunhilda and Borris in "Spygate"

After our last couple of posts where we ran about Miss Keetha's house snapping pictures behind her back, Miss Angie asked us if we have ever had a close squeak where Miss Keetha nearly caught us.

You see, THIS is where Miss Keetha thinks we live, 101 S. Kitchen Table Way. She thinks we stay here with our neighbor, Freddie Finzsaltandpepper and never go anywhere without her express knowledge and assistance.

Ho-Hum how boring!

No - - - we have adventures. We go on reconnaissance missions! Our life is one of thrills and chills.

Miss Keetha is none the wiser.

How is this so? You may well ask.

You see, Miss Keetha is the Queen of One-Track-Mindedness. Her children learned this at very early ages and you should HEAR the things they got away with when Miss Keetha's little mind was occupied elsewhere.

No dummy bears we, we have learned to take FULL advantage of this. We get out and about and explore EVERY time she is occupied with her blog, or reading, or TV, or just ANYTHING that catches her fancy.

On those rare occasions when she becomes conscious of her surroundings and we are elsewhere than 101 S. Kitchen Table Way, we take advantage of one of THREE tried and true concealment methods.


Wherever we are, we simply blend into the surroundings.

One would THINK Miss Keetha would NOTICE us on her computer desk while she is blogging - - - - but you forget, she is the QUEEN of One-Track-Mindedness.

As long as she doesn't sit on THIS couch and lean back on THIS pillow - - - we are safe.

She has never yet noticed two little black bears blending in with her graduating class of 2010.

Blelnding in with family portraits. Hey - - - WE'RE family too ya know!

Cream? Sugar? Bearsaltandpeppers anyone???

Help yourself to a nice cuppa - - -

Button, button, who's got the button???

Gingerbread Coffee-mate? E-V-O-O? Black bear???

You KNOW we always enjoy bowling!!!

It isn't just the grans who enjoy the toys!

"Hike one, hike two, hike three!!!!"

What? You don't think THIS is a safe hiding place? You think she'll see us when she works on her puzzle??? You forget - - - Queen of One-Track-Mindedness!


In our adventures in and around and about Miss Keetha's home, we have made friends. These innocent looking friends are often invaluable!

Miss Makena, who joined our happy little "Miss Keetha Circus" all the way from Finland just about a year ago now.

We may not actually BE Savannah critters, but we can PRETEND, can't we??? All we had to do to get the help of the Africans was to promise to take them on some of our adventures.

Can't you just HEAR us singing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" in the little Lutheran village???

Bucky, Edgerrin, and Joseph always keep our secrets. We steer clear of the snapping jaws of Mr. Alligator! He's a Florida fan - - - what do you expect?

Terd Furgeson is ALWAYS most helpful - - - and he's cushy and warm besides.


This is our FAVORITE method as we're totally invisible - - - you probably won't even SEE us in THESE pictures.

Laundry basket

Bowflex. Do you think Miss Keetha has ever even LOOKED at a piece of exercise equipment??? If you said "yes," guess again!

China cabinet

Behind Fisherhubby's fishing shows. Miss Keetha NEVER watches those.

Head first into teapots. Totally invisible.

The End!